I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving. I know we did, we w ednesday and ate with my family and then Thursday we went to Andy's family dinner. I am one fat tick, still!! It was just nice to get to be with all my family and have some laughs. Since then it has been okay but I think reality is setting back in. This really stinks because I haven't even been in the mood to put up the tree.
Today has been the worst I think, so many people are passing on way to early and people are showing pictures of their new babies, it has got to me. I am so happy for the new families but it's hard to think that I won't have that time. I will miss out on all the happy visits from everyone and happy pictures. And then with all the people who are dying so early, I just feel like it isn't fair to lose such nice people so early in their life.
Another thing that is creeping in my brain and I can't make it stop, is the constant worry about my girls. I feel so vulnerable, like they could be taken away from me, too. I know that it's fate and God's plan as to what happens to us but it just can't seem to leave me right now. I am trying really hard not to cry everytime or go to bed with all the bed the bad thoughts in my head.
I seem to be everywhere with my thoughts and it shows as I write this but that is really how I feel right now. I have my friends who I talk to and they try to help and I try to setup things to do with the girls so I can feel normal again, but none of it seems to help right now. So I just have to hold the girls a little closer and keep the Christmas music on to lighten my moods. I also have to remember to keep the faith and hope that I will get some happiness when Zooey gets here and that the girls will be fine and nothing bad will happen to them. Maybe I need a Christmas movie marathon to help get in the mood, ending with National Lampoons ChristmasVacation!
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