Sunday, May 12, 2013

My Mother :)

I have decided that I needed to write about my mother today. I know it's mother's day but it's not the only reason I have decided this, she has been on my mind a lot lately because of things going on in my life right now. This maybe short but it will help me explain how much I admire and love my mother.

 My mother is a very amazing person. My dad and mom separated and divorced when my brother and I were very young. This of course was hard on both my parents but my mom had us to take care of so she picked up and made the decision to raise us alone. Her family has always lived out west so it was just us three. My grandfather did come to live with us for a little while, which I didn't realize how special this was until later in my life. I didn't realize a lot of things until I got older. My mom worked a lot of hours, cleaned our apartment, paid all the bills, stressed over where I or my brother was, all by herself. She was very stern about what I did, when I did it, and who I did it with. I now understand why. I think that with all the tiring times that she went through, she raised two great kids.
She gave us strength to be who we are and helped us see the world in a better light. She taught us to respect others without any discrimination.
 My mom showed us the beauty of the world by taking us places and always having fun. I have lots of memories of our trips together, and I know it wasn't always anything fancy but they were the BEST times. We went to Lake Winnie, to POPS in the park, Lookout games, Riverbend, Washington and California, drove cross country to Las Vegas for my 21st birthday and so much more. We saw lots of movies in the theaters, which became one of my favorite things to do and which eventually brought Andy and I together in a way.  My mother helped buy my first car and taught me responsibility by making me get a job and learn how to pay my bills. All this she did alone, yes my dad did pay child support, but my mom always made sure we had things that we really wanted.  Thanksgiving and Christmas time at her house is some of the most warming memories I have. She always cooked a big meal, even though there were only three of us. Our presents were the best because she knew what we wanted and even though she couldn't always afford much, there was always a ton to open. Even all the midnight masses she drug us to have left a heartwarming memory of beauty and song. She was always there for when Nick had games or I had music programs. She didn't miss anything.


 This is all when we were young and we eventually grew up to where we could take care of ourselves. She moved back out west and we have gone to visit beautiful San Francisco a few times. My mother has faced and survived Breast Cancer twice and several surgeries by herself. She has had help from her brother and sisters and friends but sometimes I feel really bad that I couldn't be there for her though all of it.

 My mother has been here for everything I have ever needed. Even if it was just a phone call or a card from miles away, she has always made me feel better. It really hit home when she came in to help me with Zooey. That's when I realized how much I really miss having her here and how much she has done for me to make me this strong person I can be. If it wasn't for her I wouldn't be the mother I am today.I would not have had the strength or the morals that I do now. I hope that I can pass this along to my girls so they can survive in this world of no morals and hate.


 I love my mother more than she knows and I hope that I can repay her for it all one day. I have never really told her all this, one because I write better than I talk but also because I can't say it all without crying.
So, MOM, now you know that what you taught me really did matter and I am grateful for all you have ever done for me........even if I didn't know it at the time.

          I LOVE YOU, MOM, and I wish we could be together today. I hope you enjoy your day and we will see each other soon!! Oh and your gift will be mailed tomorrow (something I didn't get from my mother is promptness lol)

Thursday, May 9, 2013

Happy Mother's Day and my insanity


 Hello everyone! I hope you all have had a great month of April. Mine has been full of ups and downs and lots of realizations. It is hard to believe it's been three months since Zooey came and then gained her wings. It's been a hard month for me in a way. I have learned lots of things about myself.
 One thing is that I really am not as strong as everyone thinks I am. I have had several days where I just wanted to crawl in a hole and cry. The bad thing is that I am usually at work when it hits me. I believe some of it is lack of sleep and the way it feels like the day just doesn't have enough time in it to get anything done. I stay stressed more and can't seem to feel settled. I have a nervous energy about myself that won't go away. It's that feeling that I have mentioned before, that part of me that is looking for that part that is missing, Zooey. You know the feeling like you have forgot something but can't remember what it is, that is the way I feel. Never settled. I have also learned that even the smallest things can make me think of her. I even broke down in the Lowe's health van because a song that I hadn't heard in years.

 I know it sounds like I am loosing it but I do have good days. The girls can always make me realize that I have to keep pushing through it all. Tori can be a little motor mouth and Mya is getting fussier the closer to two she gets but I love them for just being there to get on my nerves. That reminds me, this month my Mya turns two!! How fast it is all going, and so much has happened since her last birthday!! 

  It's also Mother's Day this Sunday, I will hope that I don't break down that day. It will be hard but it will also be great to be off of work and with the family. I just wish my mom could be here with us, maybe next year! 

 I am also going to wish a Happy Mother's Day to all the mothers out there. I hope you get to feel special. Funny! I just thought about last year, I have been engaged for a whole year now. Wow, time really has flown by. Slow down time, just a little please!!

 I will keep pushing through this fog I call my mind and hope that it gets better as this year goes on. I have so much to do so I can't slow down too much. Since I turn 40 this month, I have to get a new license, try to get my birthday party, continue to try and workout three days a week(to loose this weight) and get our wedding/honeymoon plans set in stone. Oh, and Mya's birthday party together!  I hope I can do it all, makes me tired thinking about it lol.

Since I will be so busy I will wait another month to post again. I am aiming for a much better month and I also hope to have lots of pictures of the birthdays to share with everyone. Happy Mother's Day, again, and remember to hug your babies everyday :)