Hello everyone! I hope you all have had a great month of April. Mine has been full of ups and downs and lots of realizations. It is hard to believe it's been three months since Zooey came and then gained her wings. It's been a hard month for me in a way. I have learned lots of things about myself.
One thing is that I really am not as strong as everyone thinks I am. I have had several days where I just wanted to crawl in a hole and cry. The bad thing is that I am usually at work when it hits me. I believe some of it is lack of sleep and the way it feels like the day just doesn't have enough time in it to get anything done. I stay stressed more and can't seem to feel settled. I have a nervous energy about myself that won't go away. It's that feeling that I have mentioned before, that part of me that is looking for that part that is missing, Zooey. You know the feeling like you have forgot something but can't remember what it is, that is the way I feel. Never settled. I have also learned that even the smallest things can make me think of her. I even broke down in the Lowe's health van because a song that I hadn't heard in years.
I know it sounds like I am loosing it but I do have good days. The girls can always make me realize that I have to keep pushing through it all. Tori can be a little motor mouth and Mya is getting fussier the closer to two she gets but I love them for just being there to get on my nerves. That reminds me, this month my Mya turns two!! How fast it is all going, and so much has happened since her last birthday!!
It's also Mother's Day this Sunday, I will hope that I don't break down that day. It will be hard but it will also be great to be off of work and with the family. I just wish my mom could be here with us, maybe next year!
I am also going to wish a Happy Mother's Day to all the mothers out there. I hope you get to feel special. Funny! I just thought about last year, I have been engaged for a whole year now. Wow, time really has flown by. Slow down time, just a little please!!
I will keep pushing through this fog I call my mind and hope that it gets better as this year goes on. I have so much to do so I can't slow down too much. Since I turn 40 this month, I have to get a new license, try to get my birthday party, continue to try and workout three days a week(to loose this weight) and get our wedding/honeymoon plans set in stone. Oh, and Mya's birthday party together! I hope I can do it all, makes me tired thinking about it lol.
Since I will be so busy I will wait another month to post again. I am aiming for a much better month and I also hope to have lots of pictures of the birthdays to share with everyone. Happy Mother's Day, again, and remember to hug your babies everyday :)
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