Here it is, almost August. It seems like time really has flown by the last few months, so different from the last year. I still can't seem to wrap my mind around it all. February is an eternity away in my mind, but really it's only been about 6 months. Zooey would have been 6 months in a few weeks. Something which I wasn't even thinking about this time last year. I had just found out I was pregnant on the Fourth of July 2012 and was going into last August with a great feeling. I had planned on having my Materna 21 test on August 13th, because I wanted to cut out having to go to the specialist OBGYN. Never imagined what I would find out a few weeks later. And, all this was not even a year ago!! It's weird how my mind works all of this together.
Here I am, carrying on and living each day the best I can. I find myself forgetting things, being overwhelmed by life and work, and feeling like I will never catch up. I get upset about it and blame old age but then I sit back and go "Hey, you just lost a baby six months ago, it will get better but you have to give it some time." Isn't it odd that I have to keep reminding myself to slow down and have patience with myself ? I miss Zooey everyday but I can't dwell on it because if I did I would be useless to my family. You would find me curled up in a corner, crying, or just laying in a daze not being able to move from all the pain that lays in my heart.
It's also hard to see people go on and forget what I have been through. But, again, I am trying to move on and not let it get in the way of my life I have now. So, why would I expect others to be a little more careful and cautious with me? I just have to keep asking all these questions so I can make it all make sense in my mind. People go on, but the mom never can get to far before the heart strings start to tug for a good cry. 
I do turn to prayer on bad days and it helps to keep all the bad out. Grief still comes but that isn't the bad part, I need to grieve. It just helps calm me from all the other worries I have. I need to do more of it, I need to make more time for myself to find some peace in prayer. It also makes me feel close to my Zooey. She is always with me but when I pray I just feel she is close. It also chases away the stress that continues to plague my days!!
I know this all is going to get a little easier and my days will stop feeling so short. It will take time, time that I hope people will give me. I ask for forgiveness that I don't remember it all anymore and I forget to do something.
I pray for better days to come and more time to spend with my family. We still need to venture out and do things we wouldn't normally do, it may take some bribing on Andy's part ...........like eat tomatoes or yoga :) There is just one thing I have to keep reminding myself.
It has only been 5 months, three weeks, and a few days since I lost Zooey and here I am still carrying on.
