Don't get me wrong, there has been some cool days too. I did receive news that the hospital that Zooey was born at is honoring the nurse who helped me with Zooey that first day. I know it couldn't have been easy to watch us go from happy to suffering such a big loss but my nurse was awesome and made the day so much easier. We have been invited to be there the night she is honored, I hope we can do it.
Plus, I did get to celebrate my 40th with my family and a few girlfriends. We also broke Andy into the Velcro Pygmies club :) That was a great night and Andy really enjoyed himself. Mya's birthday party turned out great also, we didn't have big sissy with us because she was in FL but everyone else got to come. It was a beautiful day of blowing ten foot bubbles and letting the kids try to pop them.
Today, things have been just seem to be going through my head and one thing that sticks out is how lucky we are. God has been good to us. I look at my girls and I see him. I look at Andy and I see him. I am lucky my life has gone the way it has, because God does not choose what our life will be like, he just helps us when we make the choices we do, I have not always been the best person and I know I have paid the price somehow, at some time. I deal with it and know that I have learned from it.
This got me to thinking about how to make our life even better. There are things that I would like to do and have and it really isn't much. I just need to try better in achieving it. I would like a house, one that doesn't have to be show room beautiful, one that I can make ours. It should have a big kitchen so I can cook, I don't need it to be fancy. Heck I don't care if the girls want to paint the cabinets different colors, I just want it big and to be ours. I want a garden so I can TRY ( Andy can tell you how well this will go lol) to grow our own veggies. I want to learn to cook healthier for all of us, and I need the time that goes with that!! One day maybe buy some canvas and paint and have the girls and I paint all day. I am not a big painter but who cares, it is something I should do. Plus, we could hang our paintings in the house for us, no one else, just for us. I have always danced and sang in the car,even at the red lights lol. I really don't care what people may think of me, and I want to pass that along to my girls. I don't want them to be afraid of being a little crazy sometimes, it is so good to be able to laugh at ourselves and be silly.
So much of our life we waste on how much we can not do something or trying to fit in. I have decided I have to quite thinking this way. So what that I can't paint worth a flip, or I kill a few veggie plants before I get it right. The point is this is the one life we have and we should make the best with what we have. Zooey will never be there physically to paint with me or cook with me but she sure will be there in spirit. I think this is why I have been so cranky, I know I should be living a life for her and I need to start doing it now.
This blog has been so random but it is what has been on my mind, I just go with it and type away, kinda how my days are. I must go now but I will be back again and hopefully with some more changes and a better attitude :)
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