Oh, where to begin! I write because it helps me get things off my chest and is like therapy. I am not great at it but it is really not suppose to be. Well with that being said, I write better than I speak, so you can only imagine what that is like. I do not do well when I have to speak to a crowd of people, especially a crowd that I don't know and happen to be the board of directors at a hospital!! I had the pleasure of doing this today. It was the monthly board members meeting with all of the board of directors plus some.
I was excited that I got to meet with my nurse, Jennifer, that I had the day that Zooey came into and exited this world. We have not seen each other since that day and I really was glad that I was going to be able to tell her how much she meant to me. Jennifer has won the 2013 Nurse of Excellence Award for Erlanger. I wasn't sure how I fit into the picture and got an invite to this meeting until the Chief Nursing Director had told me about the letter my mother had wrote to the hospital. I, of course, had never seen or read this letter so this would be my first time hearing it.
When the girls and I got to the hospital, I took Tori and Mya for support since Andy had to work, Jennifer and her daughter were waiting for us in the lobby. I loved that I got to meet her daughter and Mya seemed to really like her too. It was more comfortable than I thought, especially since this lady had seen me at my worst but I know that is what makes her so great, she has that kind of comfortable disposition. She really made Zooey's birth day so easy, she pushed me along when I probably would have just froze up.
I think I should explain what she had done for me that day, in short. Jennifer was the nurse who was working the floor when we got our room. She was there for when Zooey was at her best and at her worst. She helped us try to get her to take a breath and was also there when they called Zooey's death. From there she became my strength to do a few very important things that I would have never thought about. We had a little" beauty shop time" with Zooey. We got Zooey cleaned up, brushed her hair, and put on a pretty outfit. She also reminded me that I may want to keep everything that we had used. I still sometimes take out the hair brush so I can smell Zooey's hair. Jennifer was there for a lot of the day and even came to check on me before she made her long drive home. She took the best care of me, which had to be hard seeing that Andy and I were suffering the worst thing to happen to a parent.
So, today, when I had to get in front of all those people I told this story. Sort of. As I said in the beginning, I am awful when it comes to speaking to the public. I really don't know if it went well, I just spoke from my heart and tried to fight the tears as they were sneaking out. Listening to my mother's wonderful letter didn't help me from NOT crying :) There I was in front of the hospital's board of directors, just babbling away with the tears flowing. Even though my mother's letter and my testimony made some of them cry, I still don't know if any of it made any sense. Plus, I left things out. Urgh!!!!!! I sit here thinking of all the things I should have said but I am guessing it doesn't really matter. Tori was so sweet and told me I did a good job. I DID get to thank Jennifer and that is all that matters. I got to show her a few of the pictures that were being taken as she took care of me. She was able to see how pretty Zooey looked in them. I got to tell her how important she was that day and that what she does for a living really does matter........she changed a horrible day into beautiful moments.
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