Going to see Zooey

Well, her she is!!

It was really great to see her today, I didn't really care if we had found out anymore bad news, I just wanted to see her.

She weighs about 2 1/2 pounds which is close to normal, the doctor said the tummy was a tad small but that is okay.

Zooey's kidneys are starting to look normal, also. They are not holding as much fluid as first thought so they are really not going to give her the most trouble. Her left side of her cerebellum  is still fluid filled but it doesn't look as it did when she was smaller. The fluid is not changing, which is also a good sign. When I first saw her brain I could tell right off that it wasn't getting worse.  These things gave me a little comfort in knowing she has a small chance. Her heart issue on the other hand.........it's the one thing that isn't going to make it easy on her. She just doesn't have all the heart she needs to keep going once she gets here. Her heart rate is now at 140, and that is good but once she isn't relying on me to help her it probably won't continue to function. 

 That is a very hard thing to come to terms with, Zooey is so close to being okay, she would still have issues when she gets here, some new and some old but they would be easier to deal with than a failed heart. To feel how strong she is while she is in my tummy, you would never know that she has an underdeveloped  heart. No wonder that I am so tired, she is using me to keep going.  And boy does she go! Btw, she is a girl. I had mentioned it to some that I wanted to be for sure about her sex. 

 When we finally got to see her face I was glad to see that she doesn't have a cleft lip, she may have a soft palette but no cleft lip. This will be easier for her if I get to feed her. The last picture is of her looking right at us. It wasn't the best of the picture but she started to turn over. She looks A LOT like Mya, Mya's ultra sound picture. She has those big cheeks and puffy pretty lips and a cute little nose. Her nose looked a little off in the picture but again she decided it was time to turn over about the time the tech snapped the picture. 

 I know she is going to be a beautiful little girl, just like her sisters. I just wish I knew if we would have time to see her grow. Stupid 13 chromosome!  The doctor reminded me that even though things didn't look so bad now, that the 13th chromosome will be down fall when she is out and on her own. Again, it is so hard to comprehend this. That every strand on her DNA is tarnished by this stupid 13th chromosome. 

I have actually taken everything better this week, even with all the bad stuff going on in our nation. I have said this before, I know that if Zooey doesn't make it for long it will be okay because she will know nothing else but love. She will not have to fear anything and I won't have to be worried about her like I do her sisters.  I will have lost a child but not like what happened to those poor parents in CT.  I will get to have peace and hold her while she leaves us, and I will have peace knowing that Zooey has never known such violence. 

 One last thing that has kept me thankful and strong the last few days was something I watched. On Anderson Cooper, one of the set of parents to the little girls lost had decided to talk about her.  Her mother wanted people to know her, how great she was, what she had done that morning and how much she loved school. That mother was so strong and never broke down once. I believe that if she can be that strong with all she had been through, I can do this too.