A calm week

It is funny how calm I am. It has been a very long week, I got to meet my Hospice team, two doctor visits, Halloween costume shopping, a fair and a corn maze, a family reunion dinner, and work!! I don't think I have had time to think a lot about Zooey except for when she kicks me :) She loves chocolate and hates when I am in a bent over position, these two moments are when I feel her the most. The other night I was sitting in the floor with Andy and had my hand on my belly, then my hand moved! She kicked so hard that I finally could see it and not just feel it. Things like this make it so hard to believe that there is something not right about my sweet Zooey.

The specialist we saw was very calming, he didn't focus too much on the bad but just the realistic. He also said that they were going to treat this like any other pregnancy but are going to focus more on me, to keep me safe. That was the same for my OBGYN this morning. He explained a little more about what kind of stress the baby goes through during delivery, and it started to make more sense to why they think she won't make it through delivery. Something that they all have in common, even the Hospice group, is that they haven't ever dealt with a TRISOMY 13 baby. So, we are all up in the air to what Zooey is going to be able to handle and how long she will be with us. The next thing I have to do is to get our pediatrician in on all that is going on, which I am sure she hasn't had to ever deal with this either.

I think that is why I am so calm, I realise I am not going through this alone. It is scarey and new for us all and it doesn't always have to be sad. Zooey has been given to me for a reason and maybe not just for me but for a lot of people to experience this and maybe cherish their time more.

Even my oldest understands how different it will be. We got to spend the day together, just her and I and she is very smart! Tori is always a surprise on what she understands and how she looks at it all. Plus she isn't afraid to talk about it, unlike most adults. Sometimes I can just see what people are thinking, and just wish they would say it and not feel bad for me. I know I am going to suffer a loss but that time is not here yet so I am going to enjoy it as much as I can.

One thing is for certain, Zooey will never be forgotten and she will be an experience for all of us.